[By Ben Noble]
This is a message for men. We live in a complicated world and most of us are not taught how to navigate it or of the dangers that are out there. I hope the following will be of some use to the men who might read it.
YouTube version [https://youtu.be/ZT17SD-M6j0 ]
I am not MGTOW. I even dislike many MGTOW content creators. Some of them tried to swallow the red pill, but it has lodged in their throats and they are choking on it. They take its insights and use it to condemn the world, the relationship between the sexes, and most infamously, women. There are others, though, that have applied much effort and intellectual rigor to what I think is MGTOW’s purpose. Understand the natures of men and women for what they actually are and use that knowledge to live your life the best you can, to go your own way.
Even with the faults of the MGTOW movement I can say that it has taught me many things. I am not MGTOW and I do not speak for them, but if I may be so bold, the following should be the core of the movement and what it has to offer men.
The red pill
“The beginning of wisdom is to call things by their proper name.” – Confucius
The world runs on narratives and there is no shortage of them. Throughout your life you will be introduced to a great number of them by your parents, your family, your teachers, your peers, your favorite journalists, your favorite entertainers and many others. This sounds like a wide range of beliefs and world views, but it is not. They all overlap, are inconsistent, operate on similar premises.
In order to cut through the faulty thinking and preferences that people are selling as truth you have to first tear down your own. I cannot tell you or anyone what beliefs you should reevaluate and discard. All I can tell you is this: Be skeptical of everything. I’m 5 or more years into this process and I’m still a little skeptical of all the new views I have. Views that I have closely evaluated and researched. Most people operate on the idea that “things have alway been done this way, so why should we change?” If that reasoning is good enough for you, then we should part ways right now. For those interested in going down the rabbit hole, I’ll touch on a couple beliefs I had to fundamentally change. I don’t mean to convince you of any of my positions, only to show that I have done my fair share of table flipping in my own mind.
I used to be a conservative Republican. I am now an Anarcho-capitalist or an Ancap. You could even call me a Voluntarist. We all know that the state is inherently violent. That is how it makes people follow its rules and pay taxes. It does not care if your interactions with it are voluntary or not. After studying philosophy and ethics I have come to the conclusion that only voluntary interactions between people are moral and that violence should be reserved only for self defense. Therefore, I must reject the state and advocate for a stateless society based on voluntary interactions.
I have also had to reevaluated the Christian faith I had growing up. I have been forced to abandon it. I do not see much evidence of a god and I see large flaws in the religious of the world, but if I’m honest I want there to be a God. I recognize the inherent comfort in that belief. I consider myself agnostic and I take no position on the matter. If that makes me a fence sitter then so be it. This was perhaps the most painful belief that I have had to change.
This brings me to perhaps the most powerful narrative we have today. Romantic love. Some say that the world runs on the desire for sex and companionship. For most people this is absolutely true and that has significant repercussions for men. It’s such an important topic that I’m going to devote the next section of this post to it.
Women and relationships
I do not mean this is a negative way, but MGTOW is a reaction to the realities of our society. It is the rats abandoning a sinking ship, so to speak. Again, I don’t mean this in a negative way. They have seen that something troubling is happening to society. A society that has reached such a high level of comfort and mechanization that the very relationship between men and women has been upended. Women have been liberated from the home and the consequences of their sexuality by technology. This has had profound effects on society.
It should not be controversial to say that radically changing the circumstances of women has also radically changed their relationship to men. It should also not be controversial to say that the government has reacted to this change, as well, as half of the population they govern has taking on new behaviors.
In many ways society is gynocentric. It prefers and caters to the demands of women no matter how legitimate or illegitimate they are. As a result men have to navigate the world at a disadvantage in many areas ranging from education to dating to legal treatment. There are now very real risks when it comes to interacting with some women. Divorce is often very harsh on men mentally, monetarily, and in determining child custody. Colleges across the country are now adopting very troubling policies like affirmative consent. It demands that male students comply with rigid rules governing consent in sexual interactions. These rules assume the guilt of men and even create the possibility for women to retract their consent after the fact. One false accusation of rape can ruin a man’s life, while the accuser faces little to no repercussions.
It might be strange to claim that MGTOW can help men identify characteristics they should look for in women. MGTOW is notorious for having hash observations about women and advocating that men minimize contact with them. It actually has very harsh things to say about men too, if you listen close enough. To be honest, I think all men should at least be exposed to MGTOW. If only to help dismantle the romantic notions of love and pair bonding that popular culture has created. Men should also be aware of the legal risks they now take when interacting with some women.
Finding someone to love is perhaps that most important thing we can do in life. It will likely be the most long lasting and financially binding decision you make in your whole life. Therefore, you need to make damn sure you pick the right woman, if you ever find one worth picking. If you choose poorly you will either have to suck it up and live out the rest of your days with her or expose yourself to the minefield of divorce.
If I were to summarize what I have learned from MGTOW on the subject of women, it would be this. Have standards. Be willing to break contact if they are not met.
Financial security. She has a job. She pays her bills. She has her own car. She doesn’t try to get you to buy shit for her. If a woman isn’t financial stable before you meet her, then odds are she won’t learn it while you’re with her. Most men have the urge to provide for women. That isn’t inherently bad, but it is a weakness that can by exploited to your detriment.
Compromise. She has to be able to give and take without getting butthurt about it. Again, men tend to want to cater to women. If she is not balanced in this area she might expect to get her way all the time.
Shit tests. This is when a women puts you in a no win position to see how you react and how much you’ll take. The tricky part is that they might even do it unconsciously. Regardless, no one should have to endure that.
Emotionally stable. She needs to be able to communicate her feelings and control them. No one is perfect and in control of their feelings all the time, but relationships are hard enough already. Why make it harder by getting involved with someone that doesn’t have a high level of maturity.
Reserved sexuality. She doesn’t let you fuck her right away. This might sound prudish, but sexuality can be very dangerous. It can obscure your judgement. It can lead to pregnancy. It can create an emotional attachment to someone that you shouldn’t be connected to. Avoiding sex right at the beginning will help you clearly see who this woman is and if she has any of the red flags I just got done talking about. Delaying gratification is a sign of intelligence. Use that to your advantage.
It’s a wasteland out there in the dating world. We have to navigate and choose from a generation of women who have little to no idea of what it means to be a woman. Some of them act like men. Some of them are guided only by their emotions. Some ride the parade of dicks through their 20s thinking that won’t hurt their chances at finding a good man and having a family (if that is a future goal they have). That or the narrative that they can have a family and a career at the same time. I guess you can do both, but you’ll be shitty at both. Many women in my generation are learning that hard lesson. It is my advise that you avoid any women that have bought onto this lie.
Going your own way
As far as I’m concerned “going your own way” is broken down into two parts: responsibility for your own life and the pursuit of whatever gives you meaning.
You must be responsible for your own well being. No one else can do that for you. The laws of nature require you to work to eat and justify your existence. To receive you must give. We may live in a modern society with welfare and ways of avoiding working, but we can’t escape our evolutionary need to work to survive and have meaning. I don’t mean that you must chase the corporate job and the 80 hour work week. You can work as little or as much as you want, but it must at least provide for all your needs. You can work at McDonalds for all I care, but it must be enough to support you and saving for your eventual retirement. Relying on others or the state for your life is not going your own way.
Claiming responsibility for yourself also involves taking care of your mind. Navigating the world well requires that your mind me clear and sharp. Taking the red pill properly like I described above is very important. Equally as important is self knowledge. You must recognize in yourself the biases you have and how your personal history might be coloring your perceptions.
You should also maintain your body. If only for the most practical of reasons. Money. Most healthcare spending in the US is on preventable conditions. Don’t spend money on healthcare treatments that you can avoid. There is also a clear connection between the mind and body. If you body is sick or suffering it will affect your mind. Eat well and lift heavy weights.
Pursue what gives you meaning. Be careful that it is not tied into the opinions of women. Going your own way cannot be subject to what women think. They value different things than men do. Its not right or wrong, but any woman that rejects what you pursue in your spare time isn’t worth engaging with. The important thing here is that it is engaging and makes life better and is fulfilling. It doesn’t matter it its gaming, prepping, weight lifting, art, history, DIY projects, or anything else.
Now it is time to contradict myself. You should do these things because you want women to want to fuck you. You want quality women to want to be around you. This point is somewhat outside the realm of MGTOW, but I’m not MGTOW and most other men aren’t ether. If it is your goal to find a NAWALT, then you need to be just as good. A quality women won’t give you the time of day if you haven’t mastered your shit. Taking the red pill does not magically make you an Ubermensch.
It might sound strange to have so many rules for going your own way. You would think that it wouldn’t have any rules. That any path would be permissible. Going your own way is about self determination, not an anything goes kind of life. How much control of your life can you really have if there is no deliberate action guided by your values? Its not called “wandering your own way”.
MGTOW is good for men if they let it show them what society is really like. In many ways men are disposable and only considered valuable if they fulfill the role of work horse for society. WGTOW is a fundamental rejecting of this. Women have the opportunity to determine how they will interface with society and it is only fair that men get the same treatment. MGTOW is about seeing society for what it really is and then choosing to live for themselves in the best way they can find. For many in MGTOW this means laying low and avoiding long term relationships and marriage with women because many women are not fit for relationships and there are plenty of legal dangers at the point of the gun of the state. The insights and principles of MGTOW are not only useful for MGTOW. There is much to learn from them. Even if many MGTOW have taken hardline stances and say inflammatory things about women, I cannot condemn any man that choses to peacefully embrace MGTOW, go his own way, and shun the power of the state.
Some quality MGTOW content creators:
Thinking-Ape [https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCo1qRcO1OehgkOD_fHsu_uQ ]
Barbarossa [https://www.youtube.com/user/barbarossaaaa ]
Not MGTOW, but a very interesting information on the genders and society:
Karen Straughan [https://www.youtube.com/user/girlwriteswhat ]